Don’t touch me like that.

A good handshake is important in politics, business and speed dating. When you’ve only got a couple of minutes to make an impression on someone, it’s best not to start by offering her your limp, sweaty fingers. I know you’re nervous. I, too, sweat like a pig when nervous, but that’s what the leg of your pants is for! (That, and keeping you from getting kicked out of the bar. And getting your sweaty legs stuck to the chair. Ok, maybe it serves a lot of purposes.)

As for the mechanics of the handshake, that shouldn’t be too hard to master with a little practice. Yet, I’ve encountered grown speed dating men who shake with a more delicate little finger clasp than a 14-year-old girl who’s just lost a high school tennis match. I might have higher standards than the average woman, due to both my own handshaking skill (seriously, I’ve been complimented on it) and my long-ago encounter with Sexy Handshake Guy.

You may never have thought of the sensual potential of the handshake, but this guy (the boyfriend of a friend of a friend) had found a way to maximize it. My knees get a little weak just remembering. It wasn’t only my thing, either. My friend revealed similar feelings about his greeting when we discussed it later. We also tried practicing it on each other (yup, dream about that, boys: two hot college co-eds shaking each other’s hands over and over again) to see if we could become Sexy Handshakers, but we didn’t have much luck. It’s tricky to get just the right mix of friendly firmness and almost imperceptible finger fondling.

So, speed daters, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to give me the best handshake of my life (sadly, I met him only once), but with a quick wipe and a firm grip, you could at least assure that you’re not the worst.

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3 thoughts on “Don’t touch me like that.

  1. I agree. I hate limp handshakes. I like the intimate handshake: the one hand cupped over yours for a brief second, but it has to be in the right context.

  2. I love your posts! Ha, yes—the handshake is crucial…for me, it’s been the opposite. they overcompensate by crushing my fingers. They really don’t want to look like 14-year old girls it seems. But then there are the guys with beads of sweat collecting above their lips…ew. It’s just a 3-minute date peeps, nothing to be nervous about.

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