I suppose it’s only fair that I, an admittedly terrible dumper, would eventually encounter someone who does it even worse.
It’s unfortunate that I actually really liked this guy and even had this ridiculous gut instinct that we were going to work out together. (Perhaps my gut had been overstimulated by the combination of bad popcorn and Hollywood romance. So overstimulated, in fact, that I may have prematurely calculated on how clever our kids would be.)
Anyway, things were proceeding well until the day scheduled for our fourth date (yes, yes, I just acknowledged it was too soon to line up a babysitter). He had confirmed in the morning, but mid-afternoon he sent an email saying that he was really sorry, but he had eaten something bad or caught a stomach bug and had to cancel, and he would call to reschedule. Like a normal person, I emailed back a quick “Bummer. Hope you feel better soon!”
Then two days later, I emailed him again, because I had just acquired an extra ticket to a comedy show. And I swear, I didn’t say anything crazy about our nursery school options– just “Hope you’re not sick anymore” and “Hey, do you want to come to this because I have an extra ticket?”
Silence. That day, the next day, the next and the one after that. So finally I employed the modern “Are you still alive?” test (who needs a mirror to fog when you have a cell phone) and texted him. Still nothing, which leaves me with two possibilities: he’s either a total asshole or dead.
I told this story to a friend of mine (actually lots of them, but this specific one had a related story). A guy had repeatedly acted very interested and then disappeared at the last minute, so she left a voicemail telling him off. Then she watched a Sex in the City episode where a guy who no-showed for a date actually was dead, and she felt compelled to call her guy back: “So, if you didn’t call because you died, I’m really, really sorry about that.”
It’s a nice move, but I’m going to go with the odds here, assume that a 29-year-old man was not freakishly struck down by a tummyache, and consider him just dead to me, not the world. Although I might check the obits next week to make totally sure.