My 15 seconds

Alright, speed dating fans, cancel your plans or set your DVRs because Speed Dating Girl is making her television debut.* The next episode of Dinner Impossible (no, I never heard of it either– it airs on the Food Network) takes place at a Philly speed dating event.

It was a crazy scene, with 52 speed daters and a crowd of hottie extras, brought in to elevate the room’s median attractiveness to a TV-acceptable level. The planners must have focused on beauty at the expense of time, however, because we started out with five-minute dates but we had to gradually pick up the pace until our dates consisted of, “Hi, nice to meet you. [Insert joke about how little time we have.]” DING!

Eventually they cut us off altogether for an incomprehensible staged encounter between a crazy foreign chef (the star of the show, apparently) and an old dude who I later learned was the former host of Double Dare. (Talk about the disappointment of an unrecognized celebrity encounter. I would have speed dated me some of that for sure!)

Then, finally, it was time for dinner. I was highly anticipating this, ignorant as I was of the concept of the show– the chef has to make the best of a gross ingredient. I learned this right after I bit into a juicy piece of Tempura SPAM!

At least, I consoled myself while sucking down post-event beers with my speed dating buddy, the weirdest part of my night was not the speed date with a man who we think started life as a woman. I’m pretty sure the Spam was worse.

But decide for yourself this Wednesday at 10 pm on the Food Network.

*And by debut, I mean I was in the same room as television cameras. No actual footage of me is guaranteed or even likely.

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