A table for two and…

Different online dating sites have different reputations. Eharmony is kind of known for the conservative Christianity of its founder and OKcupid tends to attract some normal, single, monogamous daters, but also some kinkier types. (For example, Little Dating Brother and his friends introduced me to it.)

One of my (normal, single, monogamous) friends (who was, by the way, staying with her parents for the summer) was reviewing her options on the site and came across a guy who seemed compatible, except that he was polyamorous, as in dating multiple people. My friend decided to open her mind and give this alternate lifestyle a shot, figuring she could get to know the guy a little and see whether she liked him and this whole non-monogamous concept. So they set up a date, with the plan being that my friend would ride the train out to his suburban town where he would pick her up to walk to a restaurant.

When my friend got off the train, her mind was opened a little farther than she expected. Turns out the guy believes not only in dating multiple people at the same time, but having the actual dates at the same time. As she explains, “When he came up to me, he said, ‘My girlfriend needed a ride home from work so I picked her up along the way.  Hope you don’t mind. Plus it would be great for you two to meet.'”

The girlfriend shook my friend’s hand but then held her boyfriend’s hand on the walk to the restaurant. They got two tables, one for my friend and the guy to have their date, and the other for the girlfriend to watch them from. “He started on normal date topics,” my friend says, “but I was distracted and kept looking over at her table where she was sitting.”

Eventually the guy made his move, reaching to put his arm around my friend. But, the girlfriend’s eyes still boring into her, she couldn’t take the pressure and bailed.  “I told him I was sorry, but it just wasn’t for me. Perhaps I’m just too influenced by societal norms,” my friend says.

It’s such an honest, polite, self-effacing answer. If I were her, I totally would have gone with “I’m just not sure how this is going to work out after our third date. Will your girlfriend want to hang out in the living room with my parents?”

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2 thoughts on “A table for two and…

  1. It kind of sounds like they were playing mind games with your friend. A friend of mine was recently in a polyamorous situation where she was dating a married man, and it went much better than that.

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